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"Son," my Dad said, "You could screw up
a one-man funeral."
I don't know how many thousands of times my father
told me that while I was growing up, but it soaked in pretty deeply.
By the time I reached adulthood, I was convinced;
nothing would ever work right for me; if there was a way to mess
things up, I'd always find it. That was just a fact of my existence: I
was a screw up.
Oh, I tried to be a success. For years, I read piles
of books on self-help. I did hours and hours of affirmations. I
listened to tapes. I prayed. I self-talked. I meditated. And for a
while, I would seem to be succeeding.
But underlying everything was the secure knowledge
that even when things seemed to be going right, it was only temporary.
I'd soon find a way to mess them up again.
There was such a thing as absolute power to control
events, and I had it, though I didn't think of it that way. I was
convinced it was exactly the opposite. And it wasn't until years later
that I finally realized what I had been doing.
I was taking a refresher course in self-hypnosis in
Tokyo one day when Tony, our teacher, set up a game for us.
One person, who served as the target, sat facing all
the other class members, who were lined up in a straight row. The
target would suddenly, without warning, stand and face either left or
right.
The rest of the class members were to wait till the
target was in the process of standing, and in that instant, we were to
point either left or right to predict which direction the target would
face.
Several of the class members were getting correct
predictions in the 70-80% range.
I, meanwhile, was getting zero. In fact, I was
becoming pretty depressed because all my answers were wrong.
Then Tony pointed out something that shook my world.
Statistically, I should be getting at least half my
predictions right. Being wrong 100% of the time was as statistically
incredible as being right all the time.
As soon as he said that, I realized I was being
"right" in my own backwards way. I relaxed then, and just enjoyed the game. I continued
to get wrong answers, but now it was oddly exhilarating to be able to
be wrong that consistently.
That afternoon, in the course of 120 or 130 tests, I
was right only two times. That's better than 98% consistency. Sure, I
was always wrong, but as long as I knew which way my answers were
skewed, I could adjust for it later. The important thing was the
percentage.
I have no idea what the mechanism was. I may have been
reading minds, or it could have been body language, or even foreseeing
an instant into the future; I don't know. What really matters is the
pattern. There's power there.
And I gradually realized that I'd been using that same
power for years, proving my dear old Dad was right about me. I was a
loyal and devoted son, right? I couldn't let him be wrong, could I?
Naturally, I never consciously thought such a thing.
Instead, I was quietly, obediently following my early training to
always be wrong.
My inner mind was set up to consistently produce a
certain type of results, and no matter what came, that's what my inner
mind produced. Even if it meant messing up my life over and over
again, my inner mind had the power and exercised it flawlessly.
At any rate, I could see that my controlling objective
had not been success, but its opposite.
And now, instead of criticizing myself for doing so
many dumb things, and for taking so many wrong turns, I saw things
very differently.
Suddenly my life made sense. Those hadn't been wrong
turns. And all those dumb things hadn't been dumb at all. In fact,
they were smart, well-calculated moves - every one of them - when I
took into account the real (though hidden) objective I had been
programmed to achieve.
My mind had been working perfectly all along.
Everything had always worked right. I had just been totally unaware of
my REAL goal.
Consider this - if it takes power to have things go
right in your life, how much more power does it take to keep them going WRONG year after year?
But the real question is... can you change your basic,
underlying beliefs about yourself? Can you change the goals that have
guided and controlled your life up till now?
The short answer is yes - it can be done.
But the actual doing will take more than a short
answer.
You've spent years learning how to be you. So it'll
take a certain amount of effort and time to change your inner
programming.
They say an ocean liner, sailing at full speed, takes
a couple of miles to make a ninety-degree turn. The reason is
momentum.
Remember Newton's laws?
A body in motion tends to remain in motion unless
acted on by an outside force.
This is just as true of minds as it is of bodies. Your
life has a momentum which you have built up over the course of many
years.
If you want to turn a big ship, you don't do it by
flipping the rudder hard left for two or three minutes, then for
another five minutes tomorrow. No, you turn it and you hold it there
as long as it takes.
The same is true for you and me. Persistence. Clarity
of vision. Steadfastness of purpose. All the good, old-fashioned
virtues.
But changing your life doesn't have to be all grim
struggle. It can actually be fun, if you know how to go about it.
You can steer your life into a happier, more
satisfying course in six easy (even fun) steps.
FIRST: What do you want?
When it comes time to name (or list) the things they
want, many people go blank.
This is usually because they're unconsciously judging
what's possible or appropriate for them. If it's not within the realm
of what's appropriate, their minds refuse to even think it.
Maybe they'd like to buy a motorcycle, but they've
always heard bikes criticized as too "wild" and
unconventional.
Or they'd like to start a business, but they don't
think they could possibly handle that much responsibility.
It could be anything - writing a book; having a
family; buying a luxury car; learning to scuba dive; having a healthy,
attractive body; enjoying an exciting romance; wearing expensive
clothes; being free of a dominating person; feeling cheerful every
day.
Anything at all.
Whatever it is, it's not "wrong" or
"right." It's just something that appeals at a deep level.
So all you need to do in this step is simply take a
few pieces of paper, and spend anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour
writing down everything that crosses your mind. Just a word or two.
Don't edit. Don't censor. Just pour it all out on paper. The good, the
silly, the preposterous, the noble, the fearful, and even the obvious.
Write down everything.
Then go back a day or two later and sort out the
things you've written. Cross out the things that you truly are not
interested in, underline the things that are interesting
possibilities, and circle the things that are strong contenders.
Be prepared for a few surprises.
If you've done this exercise right, you're sure to
uncover at least a few things you never before realized you had an
interest in. That's good.
SECOND: What are some things
you DON'T want?
There are bound to be some things you want to be rid
of, and the sooner the better.
Write these down.
Later, we'll edit these negatives so that they're more
meaningful to your inner mind, but for now, give your conscious mind
full play. Let yourself name all the things you'd love to get rid of
forever.
Is there a part of your job (or the whole thing) that
makes every day a
terrible torture? Is there a family situation that you want to be
different? What about health? Figure or physique? Education? Earnings?
People often find that making a don't-want list is
easier than a do-want list.
If you run dry, put the pen and paper aside for a few
hours and come back to it later. Take as many hours or days as you
need to make sure your list is complete.
Then set it aside for another day or two. No matter
how eager you are to move ahead (and that's a good thing), it's better
if you allow yourself the time to do this step thoroughly.
When you come back to this after a day or two, start
comparing the items on your two lists.
You may find some interesting parallels and clearly
matched items.
However, you're almost certain to find things on your
don't-want list that have no corresponding do-want. Think about that.
There are things you want to be rid of, but you haven't any idea - yet
- what you might replace them with. This is a good example of escaping
to nowhere, or in this case, escaping to nothing, which never works
out successfully.
All this means is, you need to consider, fairly
clearly, what you want to move away from and also what you want to
move toward.
Now take the things you DON'T want, and turn them
inside out so that they become positives.
Maybe you don't want your boss breathing over your
shoulder, micro-managing everything you do. Try writing out something
like this:
Later, one of several possibilities can take place.
-
Your boss will change his attitude toward you
-
Your boss will be transferred out
-
You'll be transferred.
-
You'll find an exciting new job with a great
boss
-
You'll start your own business
When you specify a new and different condition in your
life, and you do it with clarity and conviction, your inner mind can
bring it into reality quickly and pleasantly.
So knowing what you DON'T want can be a terrific asset
if you take the time to use it correctly.
THIRD: Describe your
objective
Never say "I WANT such-and-such." Also never
say, "I WILL have this-and-that."
Always put it into present tense. Always say "I
HAVE such-and-such." This is not a lie. Your inner mind is never
concerned with time, so when you're telling your inner mind what to
do, talk the language your inner mind understands best. Always, always
say it in present tense.
And be detailed.
Let's say you want your business to succeed. What does
success mean to you? Lots of money? Plenty of leisure time? Respect
from your peers in the industry? What about acclaim from your
customers or clients?
Whatever success means to you, write it all down. This
isn't just a daydream, so be sure to put in all the tiny details that
most people leave out of their casual wishing.
What color is the door to your office? What kind of
pictures are on the walls, and how many are there? Do you have your
family's pictures on your desk, or sitting nearby? When you close the
drapes, what kind of fabric do you see? What does it feel like?
Yes, that's right - this is another list. But this
list will be the vehicle that'll help you move quickly from where you
are, mired in all those don't-wants, to living in the midst of
everything on your do-want list.
To make things extremely clear to your inner mind, put
only one item per line. Don't combine stuff.
Most people are tempted to write something like:
My office has dark green deep pile carpet, a huge
natural wood desk, expensive paintings on the walls, indirect
lighting, a gorgeous high-rise
view of the city, and a private bathroom.
Instead, try this format:
MY OFFICE:
-
my office has deep pile carpet
-
the carpet is dark green
-
my office is on the 30th floor or higher
-
my desk is 32 square feet or larger
-
5 paintings hang on the walls
-
the paintings are by painters I admire
-
from the windows I see Manhattan
-
and so on...
This format encourages you to be more specific about
every little detail.
Now close your eyes and don't
visualize.
I know, everybody says visualize, but that's too
limited. Instead, imagine walking around touching everything. Thump
the desk and hear the solid sound it makes. Touch the drapes and feel
the texture of the cloth.
Are they lined? How rough or smooth is the cloth? Do they have a
new-fabric smell?
Turn the doorknob to your private bath and feel how it
clicks. How different does it feel from cheap door-lock assemblies?
Walk over to the window, tap on the glass and hear the sound it makes.
Look down at the traffic below. What other buildings are nearby?
Go to the main door, open it, and look out at your
employees. What are they doing? How many are there? Is your secretary
busy on his computer, or is he taking a call for you? What kind
of voice does he have?
Look all around the inside of your office. Register
everything there. Then say to yourself. I claim this office. It is
mine.
There are two more steps after this, and we'll cover
them in a moment,
but this will start making your dreams more real to you. And when they
start becoming real in your mind, it's only a short time till they'll
be real
in your life.
But maybe your goal is not a business. Maybe it's a
romance, or a marriage, or a vacation.
Be just as detailed here. With every target you set,
be as meticulous and thorough as possible.
With one exception.
Don't put in names. Say "My wife loves me
steadfastly" rather than "Judy loves me steadfastly."
The reason is, Judy has decisions of her own to make. She gets to
decide who she loves. That's not your choice. So don't mess with this
one rule, okay?
If Judy would be happier someplace else, let thing
happen for the best. She'll move on, and you'll get the wife who loves
you from the bottom of her heart. Wouldn't that be a win-win deal?
FOURTH: Always use an
insurance phrase
This is just good common sense. Your inner mind is
quite literal, and it may give you what you ask for, but in an
unexpected way.
If you only ask to lose 15 pounds, you could get your
wish by being in a car accident and losing both arms. That IS NOT what you want, so use insurance.
Always put this phrase at the end of every
affirmation, every list, every request you ever make.
"I receive this or something better in ways
that are
for the highest good of me and everyone involved."
This assures your inner mind will take into account
the well-being of you and of others in everything it does for you.
And while we're on the subject of losing weight, I
often hear people use affirmations that say they "weigh 120
pounds" or "lose 15 pounds."
But I'd like to suggest that the numbers are not
really important. What we all REALLY want is to look great and feel
good. Why not just go straight to your true target?
Why not write something like:
-
I look good.
-
I am slender and healthy.
-
I like the way I look and feel.
-
Others like my appearance.
Isn't that what we really want? After all, you could
slim down to 120 pounds, but it could all be muscle loss, and there'd
still be a big roll of fat around your middle.
Ugh! Fat AND skinny - now there's something that
belongs on everybody's don't-want list.
FIFTH: Give thanks before you
get it
Nature abhors a vacuum. And when you start giving
thanks for something you haven't received yet, you're creating a
vacuum. You're thanking the universe for a gift that isn't yet in
existence.
Nature will not allow a vacuum to continue for long.
Once you start the thanksgiving, there's a void that needs filling.
And nature, or the universe, will fill it.
The more thankful you are, the more quickly you'll
receive the object of your joyous, soul-lifting gratitude.
Please don't misunderstand. This is not just a bunch
of glib double-talk. It's real. And it's just as important as each of
the other steps.
Skip this step and you will have
wasted your efforts.
Seriously.
SIXTH: Turn it loose
So far you've:
-
made a list
-
filled it full of details
-
walked through it touching everything
-
added other senses like smell and sound
-
claimed it as your own
-
put in a guarantee phrase
-
and given thanks
Now your part is done.
Once you've carefully put together your order and sent
it off, then it's time for you to relax and let it come.
Just rest assured that if you order something, you
WILL get it or something even better.
Oh, c'mon Burke - it can't possibly be that simple,
can it?
Well no, the process of bringing your requests into
material existence is definitely not simple.
But you're not the one taking care of that part of the
process... so, as far as you're concerned, it IS that simple.
You make your request, you make it in great detail,
you fill it with imagined sensations, you claim it as your own, you
ask that it all be done safely, and you give thanks.
Then you send it off, just like mailing a letter.
If you mail a letter or a birthday card to a friend,
all you do is drop it into the mailbox, and then you relax. Your part
is finished. Now you wait for the post office to do its job.
So, yes, as far as you and I are concerned, it's that
easy.
Oh, one more small detail. Just keep being thankful
for what you're receiving. You don't have to keep requesting again and
again, but you should never stop being grateful for the richness and
boundless generosity of the universe in which you live.
Now, you may be thinking that all this list-making and
detail-writing seem like a lot of work. Why bother?
There's one vitally important reason to do it.
The delivery system - whether you call it your inner
mind, the universe, or something else - that delivery system is
working all the time.
And whatever you're pouring your mental energies into,
(whether you're worrying, or fearing, or expecting, or imagining) that
delivery system is picking up your most intense thoughts, turning them
into reality, and delivering the results right to your doorstep.
You always get what you order - even if you don't know
you're sending out orders all day long.
The universe never stops to ask if you knew what you
were doing. It just fills your orders.
Unfailingly. Accurately.
Because of this, I spent years convinced that the
universe was a perverse, unfriendly place that went out of its way to
mess up my life. Of course, it wasn't the world.
It was me.
After I finally learned how I was programmed to get
things backwards, and changed it, then the universe became a friendly,
loving,
supportive place.
But only AFTER I learned to do my part properly.
That's why it's a good idea to take some time and do
the list making and the detail writing.
Remember - you always get what you ask for, even when
you don't know you're asking...
Because in this universe, everything always works
right.
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